yesterday was a day like the one we had a couple weeks ago. just a little something extra special about it. it was the first day back to normal after our family vacation and i was kinda relieved to just get back to our regular routine. we had nowhere to be. nothing to do. i love when i can just focus on corbin without worrying about being somewhere or getting ready or packing enough snacks or finding his missing shoe so we can be somewhere on time.
one of my most favorite times of the day is the second corbin wakes up. he usually pops his head up with a big smile and says, "hi mama" in his sweet little voice. yesterday was no exception. after some morning cuddles and chatting in bed it was off to the window seal to play with his trucks while i made coffee and breakfast!
then we went to play outside like usual. since his pj's were already on and nice and warm i skipped putting clothes on just to get dirty.
after a nap it was lunch time! corbin loves helping me make food. some days a helicopter flies RIGHT OVER our house. and by some days i mean enough for corbin to not even care about it since it happens so often. i took that opportunity to snap a picture of it. so close!! so loud!! and while i was right outside on our porch for fifteen seconds, corbin managed to push his chair over to the counter and nom on a block of cheese i left out!
after lunch grandad called and let us know the lowe's delivery truck was close by with his shiny new tractor! while we waited i made him a dandelion crown and snuck it on his head without him even knowing! and after they dropped it off and gave corbin the keys, we texted grandad that it was corbin approved!!
playing and trying to put hats on by himself (and when he was successful he was proud!),
a little bit of playdough playin'
AND THEN DAD WAS HOME!!!
it was around that time that i changed corbin's diaper and noticed he might have a possible infection around his boy parts! so i called the consulting nurse and she suggested i bring him in. what i thought would be a quick in-and-out ended up to be five of the longest hours ever! with little bits of some of the worst moments of my life as a mother thrown in.
i swear corbin KNOWS the doctors office and he doesn't like it. even when i had to set him on the scale (fully clothed) he lost it! screaming and reaching out for "mama". it was so hard to not reach out and grab him. and the few seconds he was on there seemed like a lifetime! then it was temperature time. a sticker on his toe was the end of the world for him. it broke my heart to see him so scared. the worst part came after waiting for the pediatrician for an hour. she was sweet trying to get corbin adjusted to her. playing trucks with him as she asked me questions. but when it was time for her to check him out he became completely hysterical. nothing helped. not even nursing him and they had to call in extra hands to hold his bottom half down as i clung to his top half singing lightly in his ear and telling him everything was okay. tears are streaming down my face as i type this. knowing that he was so scared and confused. and that i had to be a part of that. causing it. nothing they did hurt him but it was nine o'clock at night and he was tired and scared and didn't want strangers so close to him like that. after the doctor and nurse left the room corbin did not even want me to hold him and wouldnt come to me for a few minutes. he just stood there crying as i bent down next to him trying not to cry myself. it killed me to think in that moment he hated me for making him go through that. i dont even remember what the nurse said as she came back in reading off paperwork. i just wanted to be out of there. wanted my happy, sweet boy back to normal.
as we left the building i realized i was holding him as tight as he was holding me. and i cried. it felt so relieving to just finally let it out. i didnt realize until then how strong i made myself be in that hospital room.
in the end, everything was okay. corbin was healthy and there was no infection. i hope nothing like this has to happen for a loooooong time. at the same time i feel like it really made me for the next time it happens. because as much as i hate it, im sure there will be a next time.